Forgiveness

Wow.  It's been almost 4 years since my last post.  And over that time, and over the past two months especially, the concepts of connection and oneness have become more and more front and center in my life again.  Political changes in particular have led many of us to think more deeply about what these things mean and how we experience them in our lives.

So from that perspective I'm reposting here, with minor edits, some thoughts on forgiveness that I shared elsewhere after the national Capitol assault two weeks ago.  Many will say it's too soon to be thinking of such things, and maybe they're right.  But if we wait until things quiet down (assuming they will), will the conversation have the same impact?  That said, my thoughts...

It seems many people are struggling with what forgiveness means and what it involves after that event.  There are those who say that Christianity requires certain things of the offender before forgiveness can be offered.

While there are various interpretations of the concept of forgiveness and the dynamics involved, my understanding is that forgiveness requires nothing of the offender.  It ultimately serves the sense of peace, union, and health, in all aspects, of the forgiver.  That said, forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance and continued tolerance of the action of the offender.  One forgives the person offending but not the offensive action itself. It doesn't mean that the forgiver says, in effect, "I didn't like what you did but it's ok.  You can do whatever you want and I'm ok with it because I forgive you."  It's entirely possible to be forgiving while also attending to one's own health and well being by remaining away from or protecting oneself from more such offenses, if there is cause to be concerned about that possibility.  This is where the application to the insurrection event, and other previous perceived offenses by the current administration, best applies, I think.  We can, if we choose, forgive the people involved, with their levels of fear, ignorance, ego, etc. that are ultimately behind such actions.  But in so doing we aren't saying their actions are now acceptable to us and they're free to do them again without resistance.

Trying to assess and judge a person's level of true awareness and remorse before offering forgiveness is a losing game.  Such things can never be accurately assessed by any other person and make forgiveness a transactional act, dependent on some change in the offender, i.e., "you give me this and then I'll give you that."  Again, forgiveness serves the forgiver, not the offender.  In my view of Christianity, and of forgiveness in general, it's repentance that serves the offender and seeks to restore union between themselves and those impacted by the offense.  Ultimately I believe it's the loss of connection, between oneself and another and/or between oneself and one's god, in the religious sense, that's the true, underlying, ultimate loss that is sought to be regained.

So again, in this situation, those who feel impacted or harmed in any way by what happened can choose to forgive the offenders, but they don't choose to encourage, support, or allow such offenses to continue, for the sake of everyone involved.  Those committing the offenses may choose to feel repentance for their actions, but their own sense of contrition and repentance is not a prerequisite for the forgiveness of others; nor is the forgiveness of others a prerequisite for their own repentance.  Likewise, those who have held a different perspective from mine about the events of the past four years, 12 years, or whenever, can choose to forgive me for the role they perceive I've played in events that they've felt harmed by.  Or they can choose to be repentant for their own roles in supporting events that have led to harming me or others in any way.  None of that on anyone's parts requires those of opposing views to do or feel anything first.

For a real world presentation of all this by someone who suffered a terrible loss of a family member at the hands of another, watch https://www.ted.com/speakers/azim_n_khamisa or read any of Azim Khamisa's writings.

And FWIW, I offer all this as someone who lives outside of the mainstream Christian tradition. But that's a whole separate discussion.

Leia Mais…

A Mother's Example

I learned a lot about oneness by watching how my mother lived her life.  To follow are words I shared at her memorial service last weekend.

Hi.  I’m Tom Miller, Helen’s oldest son.

I’d like to share a couple of things with you today that I think help portray who my mom was and how she lived her life.

The first is a story of something that happened a couple of weeks before her death.  She was back home in hospice care at that time and her condition was deteriorating.  She was very weak, she couldn’t see much at all anymore, her hearing was almost completely gone, and she could only speak with much effort in very quiet, single syllable, essentially unintelligible sounds.  Kris was in from Seattle then so we had the whole family available.  My dad’s 90^th birthday was coming up so we decided to have an early birthday celebration for him.

When we were finally able to communicate this to my mom, her eyes lit up and she immediately began trying to speak.  We struggled and struggled to try and understand what she was saying, but unlike other similar times when she’d finally just wave her hand in the “let’s try again later” gesture, she kept trying to get us to understand what she was saying.  Finally, after MUCH back and forth guesswork, we were able to figure out that she was trying to say the word “ham.”  And after much more struggle, we finally determined that she was trying to tell us to go to the Honeybaked ham store and get a ham for dad’s birthday dinner.  Not only that, but she went on after much more additional effort to instruct us to get scalloped potatoes and green beans.  And I won’t even try to describe how much back and forth we went through before I figured out she also wanted us to get him a sheet cake as his birthday cake.  I went to order the cake and unfortunately don’t know a sheet cake from a bedsheet, so we ended up with way more cake than the family could ever eat.  (Turns out a sheet cake and a bedsheet are about the same size.)

But the point of the story is that right up until the very end, my mom was determined to remain an active, contributing member of the family.  She had a dedication to her family and to our care that she wouldn’t even consider stepping away from even in her last, most challenging days.

The second thing I want to mention is more of a lesson, or a truth, that she embodied and lived from as deeply and consistently as anyone I’ve ever known.  And that truth is that love is all that matters.  For as long as I’ve known her she’s been totally dedicated to putting relationships first, and showing care and compassion and kindness and thoughtfulness to not only her immediate family, but to friends, neighbors, relatives, and pretty much everyone she encountered.  As I said, her dedication to and concern for her family was unwavering, but it went way beyond that.  This truth, this way of being, was so ingrained in her, and served as so much of the foundation of who she was, that it’s like it just didn’t even occur to her to act any other way with people regardless of what else may have been happening in her life.  Love is all that matters.  And along with that, she lived the truth that we can always make the choice to love, no matter what our circumstances may be. 

In her last days especially, as more and more was taken from her – her body was failing, her pain was increasing, she lost most of the rest of her vision, her hearing, and even her ability to speak - she never stopped living from this truth.  We saw it in the way she interacted with the nurses and others at the hospital, with all the caregivers that came to the house when she was in hospice care, and with anyone else who was a part of her life in any way during this time.  As her vision and hearing and speech faded away, she would still reach out and physically touch people, again whether it was the nurses or caregivers or family or anyone else, always in expressions of connection and love and gratitude for each of them.

It was a beautiful thing to witness, and a powerful lesson to have reinforced for me.  I hope as we leave here today and remember mom down the road, we honor her memory by also remembering the lesson she so powerfully embodied - Love is all that really matters, and we always have the choice to love no matter what’s happening to us or around us.

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Thank you.

Leia Mais…

Harmony and Unity

The video talk linked to this image is an inspiring example of a way people have found to experience unity and interconnectedness even when separated physically.  Obviously there's the power and beauty of the non-local physical connection.  But I think there are two other underlying elements here that illustrate and underscore our connection with each other on a deeper level.

The first is the internet itself, and the degree to which it's become ubiquitous in the lives of a large percentage of the people on the planet.  It's become so central to our lives precisely because it offers the opportunity to experience a much greater degree of connection with people and with the world in general than we've ever had before.  Here it facilitates a harmony of voices, a merging and blending of energies from all over the globe.  And so we have this relatively new but invaluable tool that people everywhere are embracing and integrating into their lives to the degree where access to an open, uncensored internet is now being espoused as a basic right of all people.  Fueling this demand is, I believe, our inherently interconnected nature and our desire to experience that more fully and regularly than ever before through this tool.

The second element of note here is the interest level, indeed the level of passionate interest, expressed by so many who want to be involved in this ongoing project (this talk addresses the first virtual choir project Mr. Whitacre developed; he's since done at least 3 more).  This isn't just some mindless time-killing pastime or interesting little novelty project for the people seeking to participate.  It's a deeply moving emotional experience for the singers, the conductor, and for many who then see and hear the final product.  I see this as solid evidence of our innate collective desire to experience our oneness with the world by being a part of something bigger than ourselves, something of great beauty and creativity to which we each contribute a part.  Individual voices merge into a greater, more beautiful whole.  Souls are touched and spirits are enlivened and uplifted.  Our drive to experience our oneness is engaged and all feel more real, more alive, more complete, and more connected, in concert with our true nature.

Leia Mais…

The Well

My friend Jim has written an excellent book in which he invites the reader to join him on a walk in the woods that becomes an evolving vision around the theme of our oneness with all.  It has such clarity and purity of spirit and offers a compelling, powerful, experience of awakening to this sense of oneness that lives, often dormant, within us all.

I've also written a review of the book on Amazon.  It's available in paperback and Kindle versions.  Check out the book and immerse yourself in the power of his vision and its ability to transform your perspective and your life.

Leia Mais…

Embracing Endeavour

The Space Shuttle Endeavour took to the skies in a series of flyovers this week to travel from Florida to its final home in Los Angeles.  Last night a friend sent me a note asking why people were making such a big deal about it. 

This was my response:

On behalf of the entire human spaceflight program I'll take it as a compliment that there are those who have come to view putting humans into space as so commonplace as to be yawnworthy.  And certainly we've 'been there, done that' long enough with the Shuttle that much of its initial gee whiz techno-novelty has long ago worn off. So on that level perhaps it is nothing special anymore.

But I think people are perceiving and reacting to it on entirely different levels than that. There are many who recognize and take a great deal of national or just plain human pride in the amazing technical accomplishment it was, and who realize that in spite of the seeming mundaneness of launching people into space these days it's anything but simple and safe and easy even after all these years.

There are those who have a general interest in atmospheric aviation and in space travel who still marvel at the fact that we were able to marry the two and develop a vehicle capable of flight in both realms.

And there are those who appreciate the fact that NASA has returned many dollars in advances in technology for every dollar we've spent in every major space program we've undertaken from day one. From the Apollo program alone, I think you'll typically hear quoted that we returned $8 on every $1 invested in that program in the form of new products, new technologies, new innovative processes, etc. Although I don't know the exact numbers I suspect the return has been similar for our other human spaceflight programs.

More importantly than those things though, I believe the public reaction now is more about what Endeavour represents or symbolizes. People connected so strongly to the sight of the Shuttle launching, or now in its final flyover, because it gave form and energy to our individual and collective drives to always be reaching and growing, expanding our horizons and surpassing our current limits, facing and overcoming huge challenges of all sorts in pursuit of a shared yearning to go beyond. Especially during difficult times here on earth it gave us hope, it gave us a sense that we could still join together and do great things, overcome obstacles, and reach the stars. It brought us together in triumph with each successful launch, and it brought us together again in tragedy in the heartwrenching losses of Challenger and Columbia and their crews. Through it all it reminded us of our shared humanity and interconnectedness.  Deep down I think we all yearn to live more consciously from that place, and with every new mission the Shuttle Program enabled us to feel that more fully together.  

So as Endeavour came back to earth for the last time when it landed in Los Angeles, it wrote the final chapter in the story of an incredible, inspiring, transforming human venture. It was built and operated by the United States but it carried the hopes and dreams and excitement of people all over the world each time it launched and undertook a new mission. It flew high above us and sent back images of a gorgeous planet, one that no longer reflected any artificial political boundaries, and allowed us all to more deeply see and feel our true interrelationship with each other and with our home.

It is these things that I believe people were feeling and reacting to when they saw Endeavour in all her airborne majesty soaring over them one last time, almost close enough to embrace in their arms as they'd embraced her and her mission in their hearts for so many years.  She and her siblings were never just carriers of cargo and crew.  With each mission they also carried our collective human spirit, a spirit of exploration and of unity that transcended any lesser differences we may have been feeling among ourselves.

She's handing off the torch now, and we will continue to experience these same sorts of feelings and rewards through the International Space Station program. Then after it's gone, or perhaps even before, there will be another space program, although its form and specific mission are not yet defined.  But it will come. It must. Because the human spirit is alive and well and is compelled to find expression in ways big and small, universal and personal.

So look up into the night sky when the ISS is flying over and allow yourself to be immersed in that same sense of wonder and oneness that others felt while watching Endeavour fly over this week. And then look back down, at your family, your friends, your neighbors, your coworkers, your fellow citizens, and at all the world around you and the planet we live on, and realize that while one big high visibility space program may have just ended, we are still blessed with endless opportunities in every day, in every moment, to reach out together, to explore, to go beyond our current limitations, and to more deeply and fully connect with all of life.

Godspeed, one and all.

Leia Mais…

There but for the Grace of God Go I

We've all heard this sentence before, and many of us have probably said or at least thought it in response to different scenes we encounter, maybe like the one below.

I think because it uses words like "God" and "grace" people tend to think it's some sort of hgh-minded, spiritually mature thing to say.  I'll bet though that most of them, like me, haven't ever really stopped to consider the deeper implications of it.

It only recently struck me how totally inaccurate, degrading, and separating that mindset is.  I can see nothing about it that's enlightened or aligned with spiritual truth.  When I say or think that sentence, it basically says, "I sure am glad I'm not that guy." Not only that, but it also suggests that I'm somehow deserving of God's grace while the other person isn't.  And finally it emphasizes the separation and differences between myself and the other person.  These are hardly values and perspectives of an enlightened spirit with a truly love-based relationship with God/Spirit/Source/etc.

From the perspective of oneness or connectedness, a more accurate restating of the sentence might be, "There with him and God am I."  Instead of celebrating the fact that I don't share someone else's condition, I remember and respond from my true nature when I acknowledge the shared humanity that links us and the shared spirit that indwells us all.  This then leads to an entirely different response than the original statement, motivating more positive healing action and less indifference and self-focus.

Leia Mais…

Climate Change or Consciousness Change?

I got involved in an online discussion ostensibly about climate change, whether it's real or not, etc. the other day and offered a couple of posts to that discussion that I thought I'd repeat here since the theme of interconnectedness ran fairly strongly through them.  Any time someone wants to debate the validity of global warming I end up feeling like they're missing the point.  So I offer this as a possible alternate way of approaching the issue, and other related issues dealing with the various major changes we're now in as a society and a planet...

The simple fact of the matter is that the world is changing. Rapidly. And for the worse in a lot of ways. It's changing physically, socially, economically, and in just about any other way you can define, at a pace we haven't experienced before. We all know it. We all feel it, see it, sense it, experience it, and are unsettled by it. It's changing in ways that threaten the lives and well being of virtually every creature on the planet to one degree or another, and those degrees (no global warming pun intended) are only going to keep ratcheting upward as long as all we do is sit here arguing with each other about whether it's really happening and who or what's responsible for it.

Change is unsettling, especially big change and change we aren't in full control of or don't really understand. And I think there is a large subset of the population that, when faced with such conditions, wants to beat a hasty and fear-driven retreat back to the old days, the old ways, when we couldn't see where the road was leading yet so it was okay to remain on it. It's a natural response, but it's one that we can't afford to indulge in now I think.

We are into the 6th mass extinction in the history of life on this planet now, and the first caused by man. That in and of itself should be indication enough that we can't keep proceeding down, or retreating down, the well-worn path of ever-increasing mass consumption and environmentally destructive fossil fuel-based energy production. Have our lifestyle and energy consumption choices had an effect on this situation? Of course they have. How could they not, given their scales? The degree to which one choice or another has contributed to this situation is essentially irrelevant at this point.

To me, given the dominion we exercise over the other life forms and affairs of this planet, and given the amount of impact the human footprint has on the condition of the planet, we must also now more fully accept our great shared responsibility for stewardship of the planet and all its inhabitants. The planet can no longer exist first and foremost to serve us, with our insatiable hunger for consumption and immediate personal gratification and our abhorrence of the least bit of personal discomfort or sacrifice, or relatively soon none of us will remain in existence. We must now exist to serve the planet. And we have to start there, standing together on the common ground of commitment to that perspective, before any of these other discussions can do anything but drive deeper wedges between us at a time when we need to be uniting as one global family.

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Once past that milestone, "what can we do about it?" becomes the central question, after we've all agreed we want and need to do something about any of these major changes and once we've come to see that these are global, not national, issues, and they'll require coordinated global responses from all of us acting together.

The whole 'us vs. them' mindset must be transcended, especially when it's devolved to the remarkably juvenile level that it has with respect to our own country's political environment. I think that as a country we can start by really challenging that and overcoming it so that we can begin to take effective action together. Then I'd suggest we also apply that change to how we view other countries, and stop waiting for smaller, poorer nations who have contributed the least to the issues to take the lead in making changes to address those issues. We as a nation can also commit to ending our exploitation and domination of those less devleoped nations in all the ways that we historically have in service of our own self-interest, economically, militarily, and politically,. And we can all stop living from the mindset that growth for the sake of growth is the ultimate purpose and goal of all life and must remain the bottom line driver for all nations. I saw a great quote by Edward Abbey the other day - "Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell."  The fact that we in this country have lived from that mindset for so long, and are finally becoming more aware of the cost of doing so, doesn't mean that we and other nations can't now learn from that and shift to a more sustainable and more highly evolved way of being.

And we can, and indeed must, begin to take personal responsibility and action as individuals first and foremost. Maybe retrofitting one's home to full solar power isn't economically feasible for most of us now. But we can commit to consistently doing the little things first, like recycling and reusing all that we can, attending local discussion forums to explore local ways of making positive change together, transcending old rigid political ideologies in favor of supporting candidates and ideas that we believe will act in the greater good to address these issues effectively, and learning to live a life of service to others much more consciously and fully in our own lives. And as we do these things, the change we seek and need will begin within each of us, it will develop in others too and solidify locally, it will affect things more regionally, then nationally, and then globally. It has to start with personal transformation and commitment though I think. And as others have argued, I too think faith is hugely important, but faith without action is just a way of trying to relieve ourselves of any personal responsibility or internal conflict over our part in perpetuating the issues.

Finally, I think whether we act or not, whether we end up on the extinction list too or not, the universe will continue onward, with or without us humans. But we are the only beings, on this planet anyway, who have the power to consciously shape our own evolution and that of the planet as a whole. And with that unique gift and power I think we have a tremendous opportunity to further our own individual and collective development if we choose to actively face the challenges before us now. Or we can choose to sit back and assume that somehow it'll all work out and basically do nothing. But what a profound waste that would be of this tremendous opportunity.

Leia Mais…